Drama at the Funeral

Funerals are a part of Basotho life.  I’ve lived here for just about two years and I have already attended four funerals.  The first was for a friend in the village, the second for a Minister who’s home was across the mountain from me and a prominent member of my tribe (it was a state funeral and open to the public), the third was my colleague’s husband’s funeral, and the fourth was for the acting principle chief of the area I live in which I went to last week.

The reason I say that funerals are a part of life here is that Saturdays are always reserved for funerals.  Every Saturday, as I head in to town I pass by a few tents signifying a funeral in that village.  And every Saturday morning when I ask my host mother if she’s heading to a funeral that day she is more likely to say “Yes” than “No.”  In fact there are many weekends where my host family has to attend many funerals and my host mother decides to go to one and my host father decides to go to the other.

There are many reasons why people attend so many funerals in this country.  Many will say it’s because the death rate is much higher here with diseases such as HIV/AIDS and TB rampant (and lightening strikes and car accidents).  Others say its because Basotho go to funerals that we as Americans would not attend.  Every person that can trace some sort of blood line to you, no matter how distant, is your family.  So many times my host mother will try to explain how she is related to the person’s funeral she is going to and it often times sounds like “My brother’s wife’s sister’s husband’s brother’s child’s funeral.”  And not to mention that the villagers here are so close (and all somehow related) that if anyone dies in the village, everyone in the village attends.

For the four funerals I have attended here there are many more that I have avoided going to but to be honest funerals are a great way of learning about Basotho culture.  There is a saying that Basotho do not give praise unless they are at that person’s funeral.  The funerals here consists of three parts, stories and praises, church, and the burial (remember Lesotho is a Christian country).  The funeral starts with people associated with the deceased speaking about them.  For example, at my friend’s funeral her teachers at the college she was attending spoke about her and her co-workers at the school she was student teaching said some words.  At my colleague’s husband’s funeral the teachers at my school spoke a little bit.  At the acting principle chief’s funeral there were representatives from the royal crown, chiefs in the region he presided in, and government people speaking about him.  From what I have observed/been told, the family will never say anything.  At some of the funerals I have noticed an MC, or someone introducing each speaker and in between each person a hymn is sung lead by anyone who is in attendance.

After the testimonials is the church section, a mass.  Interestingly a member from each church is asked to speak or say something whether the person was a member of that church.  For example, the acting principal chief was Catholic but a member of the Evangelical church (my host father) and a member of the Anglican church both said some words.  But the main service was done by a Catholic priest.

After the mass the casket is carried to the burial ground in a car with the rest of us following behind it.  Once at the burial ground the members of the family take turns pouring dirt on to the casket in the ground.  But this is not done in any random order but by one’s place in the family, usually by age with the eldest pouring dirt first (depending on the tribe the women may or may not take place in this).  My friends tell me that this portion of the funeral is often fraught with drama.  Many men may have illegitimate children who they were close with but since that woman was never married to the father you are not considered part of the family and cannot take part in burying your father.  Another example is that if you are not related to the deceased on your father’s side you are not part of the family and cannot take part in the burial.

There are also specific traditions that take place with the widow.  During the funeral the widow sits on a mattress with her mother (or acting mother) and mother in-law.  They are not allowed to sit on chairs.  They wear seshoeshoe (traditional dress) during the funeral and once the funeral is over they shave their heads (along with the rest of the family).  At this point the widow wears a dress of mourning, either a new seshoeshoe or a new black dress, and is only allowed to wear this dress until her mourning is over.  The rest of the family stops mourning after one month but the widow must mourn until it is harvesting season.  While she is mourning she is not allowed to stay with her own family but must stay with her husband’s family.  Some of these details probably vary tribe to tribe.

At the end of the funeral, after the burial, you wash your hands and you’re given food to eat.  The meals are often elaborate with meat, vegetable, and something made of maize and to wash it down a ginger drink.  While I hope I don’t have to attend another funeral during my last few months here I have also realized that funerals are a time for people in a community to come together.  Basotho know that there's a time to mourn and after that you enjoy life.